Stop beating around the mulberry bush and do the needful- Indian complaints

Dear Sir, It is with great agony that I wish to bring to your kind notice the callousness shown by some employee of your deptt.

What a way to begin a complaint! It certainly grabs my attention. This is a letter on the Indian Consumers Complaint Forum addressed to the passport office in Jaipur. And what is this callousness which caused the writer so much agony?

 In my passport they have changed my surname spelling.but i filled surname spelling correct in my forum.currently In the passport surname is ..AR… but it should be …RA… my passport no is … and file no is …

It is difficult to belive that such thing should have happened under your efficient control.please get the needful done at the earlist.

The ending is as accomplished as the beginning: “It is difficult to believe that such a thing could have happened under your efficient control.”

I am a great admirer of Indian English. I believe they will be the last country to continue to speak what I consider to be real English, which separates nouns, adverbs, adjectives and verbs into orderly clauses, something which is increasingly slipping away in Britain and America. In a hundred years’ time when everyone else will be conjugating the verb to be, as follows:

I mlike You rlike He/She/It zlike We rlike You rlike They rlike

Indians will still be using am, are and is.

It is true that they use phrases which are slightly different from what I am used to. I once used to translate at a committee which was chaired by an Indian gentleman who  used to say things like:

We are beating around the mulberry bush

We are sweeping everything under the carpet and the carpet itself is getting bloated.

I see Norway with his flag up, impedimenting progress as usual.

I wish I could remember more. But you can certainly find similar things at the Indian Consumers Complaint Forum. And perhaps you might be inspired to write a truly effective complaint. When I start writing them, I find they soon get too prickly or tedious. Beginning with something equivalent to “It is with great agony …” might be a solution. Some of the complaints also make for rather interesting short stories.

Respected Sir

We are facing problem to get on in bus No S12 at Howrah station due to hooligan mob (At 8.40 AM to 9.15 AM) daily , who forcefully entered in bus without maintaining the queue . Children , ladies and senior persons are feeling insecure due to their hooliganism.

Please secure the persons who want to get on in bus maintaining the queue.

Thanks and regards.

A rather disciplined hooligan mob (8.40 AM to 9.15 AM).

Y….. D….  is a fraud bride who posted a marriage profile on jeevansaathi.com with id …….. , so called lecturer in rgpv college bhopal.she invited me to her hom for marriage talks and met me in mall nearby.i went all the way travelling 22hours and took 2 karachi bakery biscuits and after meeting her she had a pizza and asked me chocolates and after her sweet talk wanted me to buy her a ladies handbag worth Rs.1600 and then I went to her hom and she took me to nearby market and asked me to buy apples for her mom and a sweets as well.i both all these then she asked me to buy a expensive dress of Rs. 2000 which I bought aftr that it was almost 10pm the she said now u can leave and we will decide and let you know.and there was not much interest from her side and I realised and requested her to return my gifts for which she refused and is threatening me with dire consequences.

I am consider myself to be generally peaceable, but I am now really tempted to threaten someone “with dire consequences”. The complaint above goes on for almost an entire page. Who knows what happened. But, even though one must acknowledge that a 22 hour journey is a considerable investment of time, could the initial investment in gifts have been the cause of the problems.

i went all the way travelling 22hours and took 2 karachi bakery biscuits

Did the complainant think that 2 karachi bakery biscuits would have been enough to swing the marriage?

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One complaint demands that a sewage problem be “soughted out”. There are some other variant spellings. I was confused by a report that an on-duty train officer had “demanded a bride” before a realised that what was meant was what I call a “bribe”. Another person is asking for his work place to be changed since

the food is not available at nearby my work place……i am very foody and not compromising ths things so please shift my work place …

Someone else complains that instead of installing his air conditioner the workers who came round

they have just dumped the AC at my home and became irresponsible,

Here’s an interesting question:

Cheating by Astrologer.

Can compensation be claimed from Astrologers by filing a complaint in the Consumer Forum if their predictions are proved to be false? I have purchased astrological stones & gems worth thousands of rupees from a Kolkata-based astrologer believing in his predictions that my planetary positions will be changed in my horoscope but now after 8 months I feel cheated when I realized that all of his predictions are false

And the next time you aren’t happy with your coffee, why not remark on its inadequate viscosity?

I had visited the CCD’s franchisee located at Phase -11, Mohali on 17-04-2017 and ordered Toffee Cold Coffee and Creamy Toffee Frappe. Both the drinks were too low on viscosity

And finally:

Today I went to the Natural’s Salon nearby my home upon hearing from some of my friends that they are providing a haircut for a meager amount of Rs.1.

And instead as for my surprise found out that the staff working over there told me that no such offers were available in their branch.Hence had to bear all the expenses and also the haircut was not upto the mark. I hope Natural’s know that their reputation is at stake. Hence want a Justification for the payment of my hard earned money.

So, if you are thinking about registering a complaint, I advise you to have a look at Indian Consumers Complaint Forum or the equivalent Indian Complaint Board Forum which may help you to find a more memorable wording.

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